Blog 4, day 30

So tomorrow is the first calendar month since I started my journey. I started this journey on the 23rd of June, and have already learned a lot about myself, my patterns, and a lot of my triggers that lead to sudden changes in emotion.

A lot has happened since my last blog, I have met and changed people’s outlook on life telling them about my struggles, I have spent time with people that changed my perspective on life in different ways, and learned more things that are in my control and what is out of my control. I have experienced some very difficult times (in particular extended isolation and realising that some things you want to happen that are very difficult to make happen), along with positive times with company and accomplishing personal goals.

After so many problems trying to use the kite to move my gear around, I have accepted the fact to stop being stubborn trying to move everything in one go, and accept the fact that continually trying failed shortcuts is best be learnt from and altered.
Retraining the stubborn part of my brain to do things things in a more rational way and stop acting impulsively on emotion will lead to positive improvements in life (an example of this is a small instance of doing the extra slog and only ski-touring the gear in 2 loads at a time instead of getting caught up on rushing to do it all at once with a kite as planned initially). This journey is definitely a plan with no set plan now.

As I write this blog post I am about to repack some gear and return to my Red-Sled (the kayak), which I left by the Pretty Valley Hut.

Once there it will then be time to set the tent back up, and I intend to base myself in that area for the next month (hopefully in a spot near the hut with cellphone reception this time!)

My recent trip to Hotham to spend time with friends and enjoy activities with like minded people was amazing, a really fun weekend and good to get a break and feel a part of civilisation for a change.
This also has a downside, as I have some really close people that I’m going to miss being around again. I’m reluctant to start to ski-tour back, but know that it will be beneficial to continue in life.

It reinforces how important having key people in life is, and how much it can ground me and make me feel good to be around good people.
It also reinforced that certain memories are best left in the past, but also to learn from any mistakes and to cherish and hold on to the good times.

It’s great to have friends that will go above and beyond to help out when needed, and to be able to help them. Friendship isn’t just about hanging out together for me, it helps creates a stability for my mental health, and even when times are shit there is usually a silver lining, and a reason things happen in life.
I’m slowly starting to piece the parts of my personal puzzle together and find who I am, how to express myself, and how to avoid any downward spirals or excessive negative emotion.

These blogs and my daily picture/video social media posts have become a way of communicating my hidden thoughts and feelings with people who choose to follow me, and also leave myself a trail of memories of self development in a way that is seeming to work better for myself instead of writing in a diary.

That’s it for now, and I better make a start on the physically demanding ski-tour to my temporary ‘home’ (the 4 day break has left me physically wrecked from pushing hard lift-skiing and freestyle snow-kiting).

Thank you again to all those supporting me, and seeing as I have now started listening to music whilst moving around I will also be able to start contacting people individually by phone now, and be more productive with my time here seeing as everything takes so much longer without the luxuries of modern life.

Arohanui,
Simon